The other day (yesterday) I walked to the grocery store after class. I was sweating. I had to open the door to the frozen vegetable section to stick my head in and cool down a bit. I didn't buy vegetables, though. I actually bought chicken nuggets ($4 a box. what a deal). Also, I was super excited because I had a coupon for a free bottle of dip if you bought two bags of chips. It was a pretty awesome feeling. It was 5:30 and I had dreams of going home and eating chips and watching Golden Girl reruns at 6:00.
--It should be noted that I had my Indian parachute pants on. Just because it's been hard to get my jeans to fit lately. Too many deals on the Ruffles.
Anyways, I was in the check-out line and something devastating happened. There they were. Buying blueberries together. Or some other berry. That guy who I used to love and that friend of mine who he now loves more.
Picture it, I want you to picture it.
Anyways, I was a bit embarrassed. But for the first time in a long time it was almost comforting. I think I'm finally over it. I mean, they were going home to eat blueberries and get the shits. I had chips (and onion dip!) and the Golden Girls were waiting for me at home. Of course, I have my awesome roommates too.
So, this brings me to my point: if it wasn't for the goddamn media telling me that I needed to keep a guy happy to make me happy this situation would never have happened.
I'll highlight some goodies from this month's Cosmo:
"The one text you should never send him"
"8 Things Guys Notice About you Instantly"
"The Naughty Bedroom Game you need to play tonight"
These titles are sending a message to women that if you don't do these things for men you won't be happy. They also make me want to puke in my mouth.
I won't even start on how magazines also equate the ability to keep a man as a reflection of how skinny you are. But read this (it's from 1999 so a bit outdated but I think it's still relevant today.
We're just obsessed with it. It's not our fault. We've been bombarded with the same messages over and over. Every chick flick out there has the same plot, where a woman is intrinsically unhappy until she finds the man of her dreams. What I hate the most is it affects young girls. Because at least I've taken enough classes on gender and sexuality and human rights and shit to know that I should reject these messages. And it's still hard enough for me to not oblige to them. Yes, I read that Cosmo because no matter how much I try, I do care. I now know that I should never call a guy out on giving one-word answers to a long text.
Maybe that's why ^whatshisface (blueberry man) had enough of me?
Anyways, guys, read this blog. It's fantastic.
Oh boy, and it begins!
ReplyDeleteMan, cosmo's so repetitive and neurotic! They have bad fashion tastes too.
ReplyDeletealso, that magazine is insulting to women AND men. the men look like giant babies! Wearing white briefs, sitting around with stupid looks on their faces, while an article nearby is titled "dumb shit men say" or tells you how to trick your man into getting a boner or into wearing sunscreen...
ReplyDeleteit's weird that they have decided that they know more about what "yo man" likes than you do, simply because they have weird gender studies and mass man opinion stats- as if his identity is more about him being male than any other part of his life that makes him unique and special, experiences, personal opinions, age, whatever.
Also they have pages of make up advice that basically could be summed up into, wear make up, always, not too much, mostly some concealer and blush and mascara, maybe rub some black shit on your eyes, try not to do colours like a peacock or you'll freak out dudes.
Also their sex advice is a little scary sometimes... most boys I know who've read the tips seem frightened of getting injured (two handed hand jobs, etc)
And they come up with all these deal breakers you must never do to your guy, or whatever, once again, as if they know more about what turns that certain guy off than you do! It's weird how they claim to help you read guy's minds and stuff- because it's just like... why couldn't YOU just ask the guy directly, whatever you were worried about?
Iiiiiii dunno
but then again I used to read seventeen magazine neurotically throughout high school and middle school so I really only dislike cosmo and 17 cause I am a veteran of dem.
ReplyDeleteI feel worried that christian virgin couples (the man and the lady) both sometimes read a ton of cosmo sex advice before wedding consumation. must be very awk
ReplyDeleteAhhhh yup, reading through Sally's mini blog post on your blog post (and I like both!) the demographic that actually reads Cosmo is generally the one that isn't having sex yet, or isn't very familiar... in reality, what they need is a wise older sister who can give them straight up advice, rather than a magazine which is clearly trying to pimp itself out to sell copies by posting things that "you need to know" to be a successful woman, in and out of the sack (but really, being successful out of the sack is about how often you can get guys wanting you in the sack, of course).
ReplyDeleteThe only people who take Cosmo sex advice seriously are those who aren't comfortable or informed about sex through any other means, which is quite sad.
I think it'd be a hilarious comic/sketch if two people had their first sexual encounter only being fed a diet of Cosmo info. "Well, I heard that this "wheelbarrow" move is what all the cool kids are doing..." Would probably end in a trip to the emergency room for a pulled something or other.